Sunday, July 29, 2007

Balancing Life and Exhaustion

I'm even more tired now than I was before, especially since the chemo started on Tuesday. So far today, I haven't been nauseated, but just going to church made me exhausted, and I didn't even do anything but sit in the pew and talk to a few people afterwards. I was kind of worried about my PICC line around the dogs, but Indigo is the only one who has bothered it at all, and she has learned to paw me on my other arm instead of the one with the tubes sticking out of it. Because of the steroids to combat brain swelling from the chemo (yes, I know I've had a swollen brain for a while, but generally steroids don't take the ego down a knotch, just the brain matter itself), my blood sugar has gone way up, so I'm on a new med for that, at least until the chemo is done.

It's kind of weird being able to sleep at night. Of course, still the only way I'm sleeping more than 4 or so hours at a time is by taking a sleeping pill. I hate having to pump more extra crap into my body just to sleep. I was up several times last night using the bathroom, and several times the night before waiting to see if I was going to throw up or not. Ahhh restful times. Mornings actually seem to be my best time right now, not as exhausted or sick feeling. Early afternoon is when I start getting tired. By late afternoon, I sometimes lay down, but can't sleep without the sleeping pill which I don't want to take except at night with at least 8 hours stretch in which to sleep, so I'm not really napping even though I feel like I need to.

Even though I'm going to radiation every day and spending all day Tuesdays in the chemo center, and the several days after that fighting side effects,I am trying to do some good things for myself so that I'm not totally focused on the cancer and treatments. That way I don't feel so much like I'm losing my identity to the illness. Yesterday, I watered my garden, Friday, I finally started seeing a shrink, and I've been having meals with friends now and then so I don't feel so isolated. That way, Deb and I can both see people without being in crowds with her compromised immune system and my unpredictable energy and stomach. A couple of people at a time is more manageable.

Deb has been great about flushing my PICC line for me, supporting me without suffocating me, being a nurse, friend and partner. She has not been feeling well the past few weeks, bronchitis, but seems to be doing somewhat better the past couple of days.

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  1. Hi Aimee,
    It's the ole "grit your teeth, and suffer thru it" time. It's a bad time, but it does come to an end......and of course, it's worth the results. I'm not around right now. I've been in California.......just got back from Carson City, MI, and I leave Thursday for Muskegon. I'll be back on the 7th for awhile. I will call you and take you out to lunch on a day when you don't feel like throwing up. Love you......hang in there! Van sends his love, too.
    Marion

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