Thursday, November 24, 2011

My Thanksgiving Blessing of Gratitude

Today, I am grateful for all of my friends in Flesh and ether. I am grateful to the ancesters who came before and paved the way for all of us to be here today. I am grateful to my family of origin and my family of choice for loving me even though I am flawed. I am grateful to all of the beings, flora, fauna and fungus who have given their lives for today's feast. I am grateful for the Mother Earth who sustains us and for Father Sky who fills our lungs with his breath. Blessed Be. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Friday, November 11, 2011

Finding a Lump in the Road

I have been using essential oils the past few months to stay healthy, and to control pain.

I was pain free for over two months until a bit over a week ago, when i felt like i had pulled a muscle doing, well, i had no idea what.  Then, monday afternoon, after essential oils and NSAIDs all failed to ease the pain at all, I reached around to massage the sore area and found a lump.

In the past, the pre-essential oil near miracle past, I would have ignored the pain.  Pain has been a part of my daily life for so long, that I learned long ago to just live with it.  What is one more point of pain?  Well, since i have been pain free fo a few months, I didn't ignore it, but nothing worked to alleviate it.  So, when i massaged my side/back and found a lump, I was a bit worried.

In the past, my pre cancer past, I would have ignored the lump for a few months until somthing else brought me in to the doctor's office.  But I am no longer living in that past and my partner, the nurse, made an appointment for me for Wednesday.

The nurse practitioner thinks it is just a benign fatty tumor, but I am getting an ultrasound this afternoon just to be sure.  And I will have the results sent to my oncologist, just in case.

I have been cancer free for four years and a couple of weeks now.  But, I must admit I have a small niggling fear about this.  I am not letting my fear take over though.  I am doing what I need to do and not freezing with fear, denying anything, or doomsaying.  I am just taking it as it is.  Maybe a pulled muscle. Maybe a pocket of fat I hadn't noticed when I was 43 pounds heavier (yes, 43 pounds lost since this spring).  Maybe something else.  I am just taking it one moment at a time, bound and determined to keep myself from going crazy once again from anxiety and fear.

The Universe will see that I am safe on my journey, wherever it takes me.  Blessed Be.